January 7, 2010

Bolt Bus Boredom

Ok. Maybe that's kind of a lie. I should have just called this post Bolt Bus. Because how bored can you actually be with the internet in front of you? But I liked the alliteration of the triple B, and in reality, I am a little bored. Even if I am on a $15 bus ride from Boston to New York with free wireless interest and no chronic delays. It's actually pretty fabulous.

Except that I forgot to eat breakfast this morning, and am now ravenous. I'm coming dangerously close to breaking open the box of truffles I'm bringing down to Annika, my amazing friend whom I sprung my impromptu NY trip on at the last minutes, and still offered to host me. Annika, your truffles are dangerously close to their demise.

Well, now that I have your attention, you can join me on my little educational voyage through backwoods Massachusetts and Connecticut. Here are some things I'm learning:

  • Baby Christmas trees are very, very cute. Have you ever seen a foot tall Christmas tree? It makes you want to give it a hug. I know this because there are copious Christmas tree farms between Boston and New York.
  • There are a bunch of lady truck drivers. Who knew? Although if you squint, and kind of tilt your head to the side, they look a lot like regular dude truck drivers.
  • I don't know why people are getting their panties all in a twist about cutting down the rainforest and whatnot. If they want some trees, they should just come get some here. There are a lot of trees between Boston and New York. Like a lot a lot* 
  • Regardless of whatever state law applies, more drivers are on the phone than not. Some are even simultaneously talking on a earpiece, texting, drinking coffee, and lastly, holding the wheel and occasionally paying attention to the road. And most of them are driving ridiculously and unnecessarily enormous SUVs. It makes me feel safe that I am in a giant bus and not in a Smart car or something. 
  • People really think they are invisible when in their cars. It's like they forget that the magical see-through substance that surrounds them and allows them to see outdoors, also allows people outdoors to see into their car. And I'm not talking about your run-of-the-mill nose picking, I'm talking about going-at-it crotch grabbing, driving with no pants on, or even engaging in illicit  - and, I imagine, illegal - acts of fellatio. This last one happened a good eight years ago, while I was on a class trip to NY and once again on an elevated bus that gave everyone on it an excellent vantage point from which to see what was happening in the cars around us - and it happened while we were stuck in traffic. For shame! I can maybe conceive of (not condone) going down on your boyfriend - in a particularly amorous moment - while speeding through highway traffic (even though that's the decidedly more dangerous option), but while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic where you are essentially on display? For shame!
Ok. Our educational trip through the boonies is now over - I've discovered that staring at a laptop on the bus is a lot like reading in the car, and I'm starting to feel a little nauseous. I think it's nap time now. But I just wanted to share a few observations from the road. Now it's your turn to entertain me.

What are the craziest things you've seen people in their cars do when they thought no one was looking?



 *ok, for those of you who don't get my sense of humor, this is a joke. I think the people who cut down the rain forest should die fiery deaths, and until then, I curse them to never find parking. Ever.

3 comments:

Stroudster B said...

I saw someone driving, texting, talking to someone either in the passenger seat or on an earpiece or themselves, AND eating an icecream cone which is pretty much the textbook definition of the food not to eat while driving. It was actually kind of amazing... but I did want to see them crash into a fire hydrant and have the water shoot up into the car like a slapstick comedy.

Tova Darling said...

Haha! Every single one of your bullet points made me laugh! I can't think of something ridiculous that I've seen someone do while driving, but I know I'll think of something the second I submit this comment.

I'm glad you're internet famous so that I could find your blog!

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